Dear Blog Friends,
In the recent past, I’ve mentioned times of stress, tending to my mother’s needs. So many of you have offered your treasured support and encouragement. I can’t tell you how grateful I am to experience so much kindness. This morning, she passed away while I was with her. I thought I should fill in the blanks for you. Perhaps my family’s experience will resonate with some of yours….
As my mother entered old age, she began to show increasing signs of mental illness.. paranoia, anxiety and eventually psychosis. The irony is that I have a background in neuro psychology and yet, was helpless to intervene because of HIPPA and state laws. Her paranoid view of the world lead her to believe that her family had turned against her. Her thoughts were random and chaotic and her actions were mean and inflicted lots of pain. As her family, we were aware and helpless. An awful combination indeed. That was a very painful period of time for all of us as she closed the door, literally and figuratively. Our only redress was through the court system with our hope to have her declared a ‘protected person’. Most of all she needed to be protected against herself and against the people who professed to being her friends and helpers, only to take advantage of her in this very vulnerable state. We spent a torturous 1 1/2 years in the court system, before anything positive could be accomplished. There were tremendous problems there as well. To cut to the chase, about 4 months ago she began receiving the psych meds she so desperately needed. Her vision of the world was transformed, and she was once again happy to see her family. I have been able to spend a lot of time with her. It was a blessing to us both and for the rest of the family. Her physical and mental abilities had been spiraling into dementia. The past few weeks, the descent was very, very rapid. A week ago, she was rushed to the ER in a non-responsive state. They essentially brought her back to life, only to find out that there was a mass in one kidney and that there was no treatment that she could possibly tolerate. It was time for hospice care. We used a group called ‘Hospice of the Valley’ and I can hardly say enough for the caring services they provide. With compassion, they kept her as pain free as possible.
At the very end of her life, she struggled to breath, but didn’t seem to want to let go. I sat there and thought about what I should say. The thought came to me and I told her…’Dad is coming to take you with him.’ A moment or two later, her struggle ended. My parents were married for just shy of 60 years when my Dad died.
I am both sad and relieved that she has left this life. I am grateful and joyful for the whole rich experience of my own life and how we all intertwine. Life is good and there is so much richness to dip into. We rarely, if ever know how our kindnesses effect each other. Your expressions of care and concern have truly touched my heart and I thank you.
I will come and go for a little while~ taking time to reflect. There will still be some posts as I have some prepared and ready to go.
*Hugs* and blessings,
Rebecca
My deepest condolences to you and your family. I remember some of that painful legal & health journey with your Mom. To have had some time with her happy again is a blessing.
Those last moments are tough to know what words to use. It’s been in my experience, whatever words used, they are never enough to explain everything felt. Whatever words actually used, will be a haunting nostalgia.
What is comforting, is knowing you were by her side. That’s not guaranteed with a loved one. What a blessing to just be there in your Mom’s most vulnerable moment: the passing into your Dad’s & G-d’s arms.
Please take all the time for your reflection. Your Mom left you a rich tapestry of experiences, kindness, and a hint of what you’d like for your own journey.
We’ll wait to see what your heart crafts next.
*hugs*
Please accept my deepest sympathy. I also lost my mother at 91years, and it’s so sad, I miss her deeply, but am happy she is now put of pain. please accept my prayers for you and your family
Dear Rebecca
My deepest condolences to you and your family.
Your and your mother’s story is so sad and touches my heart……it’s so hard to loose a parent and specially in this way….I am happy to hear you had some time with her where she was happy to see you all again..and that you could be with her at the last moments of her life.
Take care and take time for yourself.
Sending you my love,
Holly.
I am so sorry for your loss. My heart is breaking for you. You and your family will be remembered in my prayers.
I am so very sorry for your loss…thank you so much for sharing your story…hang in there.
I’m so sorry for your loss. My prayers are with your family in this time of grieving and healing. It was a blessing that you could be with her and help her to know that it was ok that she was ready to go…and now she is in a much better place. Hang in there.
Oh my … this post has me in tears … Tears for your struggle against the state laws … tears for your loss (one I know all about) and tears for the beautiful words that led your Mom to the light … My thoughts are with you at this time … may God bless you for being such a lovely daughter …
I’m so sorry to hear of your struggle and your loss. I’ve had some serious metal health issues with someone in my family which also resulted in loss so I have a small understanding of your struggle. But as each person and family is unique, I couldn’t possible know how hard it was for you. try and remember the good times and the blessing you had to be able to spend some time with her after she finally got some treatment. Mental illness is so much harder in so many ways than physical illness. Your beautiful crafts must be such a refuge for you! Amazing that you could still create such lovely things in the midst of chaos. Best wishes for healing for you and your family in the coming days, weeks and months.
hi rebecca, i’m sorry for your loss. i can’t imagine having to struggle in the court while caring for your mom; an extra burden that sounds so stressful. my thoughts are with you during this difficult time.
linda
Aww Rebecca my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family ! Hugs!!!! I’m so so sorry!!
Rebecca, I extend my deepest sympathy. I am so happy, though, that in the last months your Mom was with you in sharing love for one another. Now is a time for you to do your healing, which takes time.
Do take care of yourself, and know that your friends in art are with you, also.
Hugs, Pat
Rebecca – my heartfelt sympathy to you and your family! My heart goes out to you all for the difficulties that you have gone through in your care-taking journey. I am glad that towards the end you had some special time together. I think your words to her were wonderful at the end but I too know that our hearts often wish for more or just another opportunity to talk about so many things. I pray for peace in your heart and time to reflect as you expressed.
Great big HUGS!!!
ooooOOOOoooOOOOoooo
Jill
Oh my, Rebecca…you had told me part of the story, but I had no idea there was so much more. My deepest and sincerest condolences on the loss of your mother. It’s a blessing that you were able to have some part of the best of her back before she left you for the last time…and I’m sure she was so very thankful for your love through her hardest days.
Sending up prayers for peace of heart and mind for you and your family.
Oh, my heart aches for you, Rebecca. I am so sorry to hear about all of this. What a difficult journey it must have been for all of you. {{hugs}}
Rebecca, I recently discovered your beautiful web site. My deepest thoughts to you and your family. I have gone through a similar time with my parents and feel for your loss. Take care of yourself, time will help ease the pain. Hugs